What an amazing story!! I understand what Carolyn feels like. I understand what it’s like to question yourself. I’m trying to find answers that aren’t really there. Although our stories are slightly different, I have lost two first trimester pregnancies and one pregnancy at six months. I have also lost two husbands. You are judged how you are handling their illness, their death, and the grieving process. Instead of people, trying to understand, they tend to judge and criticize, leaving yourself, questioning yourself. I sit down to reflect upon what people were saying. I realize those had negative comments. I truly didn’t Care. I was doing the best I could do for myself, my family my children. I have learned to turn some of this negativity into positive action. To honor my second husband I had a holiday toy drive. I collected hundreds of toys for parents who couldn’t afford them. To hurt honor my first husband I carry bags of joy in my car during the winter season. I includes a little bit of cash, a little bit of food, some water, hats, gloves, and scarves. To honor my last children I donate to local children’s Hospital. You can let the negative thoughts invade your head, torment you or you can do something about it. I figure if you can’t fix it and you can’t change it. The only other choice is to move forward. Looking for good things and every day, being the light for somebody else in need you need to turn your experienceinto something positive. You can do that don’t question yourself, just do! Focus on the positive and don’t listen to those negative comments.
What amazing empathy you have! You nailed it perfectly how it feels to be ghosted. With family, there is all the worry about if they are OK too. Or why are they angry so late after the fact (because they have a way of saying that they didn't react at the time the "wrong" was done). Here's another potential life-hack for self-care when we are ghosted: I remember feeling very upset by the fact that there were some people in one of my very old workplaces who just didn't like me no matter what. It was never clear why this was so. Then one day I had the revelation. I asked myself a simple question. Did I approve of THEIR behavior? Yes, that's right, did I approve of people being snobs. The answer was a RESOUNDING NO! That took care of that. I never worried or looked back at those snobs again. They became irrelevant. This doesn't work in every case, like with family dynamics, but it works in a lot of cases. Thank you for sharing.
What an amazing story!! I understand what Carolyn feels like. I understand what it’s like to question yourself. I’m trying to find answers that aren’t really there. Although our stories are slightly different, I have lost two first trimester pregnancies and one pregnancy at six months. I have also lost two husbands. You are judged how you are handling their illness, their death, and the grieving process. Instead of people, trying to understand, they tend to judge and criticize, leaving yourself, questioning yourself. I sit down to reflect upon what people were saying. I realize those had negative comments. I truly didn’t Care. I was doing the best I could do for myself, my family my children. I have learned to turn some of this negativity into positive action. To honor my second husband I had a holiday toy drive. I collected hundreds of toys for parents who couldn’t afford them. To hurt honor my first husband I carry bags of joy in my car during the winter season. I includes a little bit of cash, a little bit of food, some water, hats, gloves, and scarves. To honor my last children I donate to local children’s Hospital. You can let the negative thoughts invade your head, torment you or you can do something about it. I figure if you can’t fix it and you can’t change it. The only other choice is to move forward. Looking for good things and every day, being the light for somebody else in need you need to turn your experienceinto something positive. You can do that don’t question yourself, just do! Focus on the positive and don’t listen to those negative comments.
Oh, man, what a well thought out hunk of useable reality.
Great advice! (Cool picture, too!)
What amazing empathy you have! You nailed it perfectly how it feels to be ghosted. With family, there is all the worry about if they are OK too. Or why are they angry so late after the fact (because they have a way of saying that they didn't react at the time the "wrong" was done). Here's another potential life-hack for self-care when we are ghosted: I remember feeling very upset by the fact that there were some people in one of my very old workplaces who just didn't like me no matter what. It was never clear why this was so. Then one day I had the revelation. I asked myself a simple question. Did I approve of THEIR behavior? Yes, that's right, did I approve of people being snobs. The answer was a RESOUNDING NO! That took care of that. I never worried or looked back at those snobs again. They became irrelevant. This doesn't work in every case, like with family dynamics, but it works in a lot of cases. Thank you for sharing.
What a useful piece. Thank you, Peter.