Dear folks!
Sorry for the delay in choosing a winner to the Question Contest, which if I’m not mistaken, happened way back in October of 2023. There were so many great questions, I’d like to get to more of them.
Here’s our winner, Don Handel’s question, followed by my answer.
Where did you get the inspiration to transition from your full band, made of your childhood friends and cousin Jeff, to walk away from your aspirations of leading your band? I understand having a child can profoundly change a person, yet this must have been a stressful decision. I've never had my own child, but raised my step children I met when they were a 4, soon to be 5 and 8. I can only dream of my own flesh & blood, but this was a choice I made after raising my wife’s two children, as their father was no where around. They are now 40 and 43. Having experienced the talent of that band in 1988, I saw the magic you produced on stage. As great a career you’ve had as a solo artist, that decision must have been extremely difficult.
Thanks Don.
There are a lot of moving parts to your question. Broadly speaking, I never “walked away” from my friends (we’re still extremely close) or my aspirations. Not for a moment. What I did was expand on my aspirations. When I was young, becoming famous —while not as important as becoming a good songwriter and musician —was far more important to me than it later became.
You mention children. When my first child Isaac was born (he’s now in his thirties and a father himself) many things changed for me. The hierarchy of what was important in my life shifted dramatically. I was of course, already married by the time Isaac was born, but there was something overwhelming about being fully responsible for another human being. It’s hard to explain. I felt as if the chain of generations were laid out in front of me. The “miracle” of life that I knew about intellectually, became much more tangible. This all happened for me very quickly. As in: a single morning.
I’m still band leader, although I don’t think I ever refer to myself in that way. As far as the band you saw in 1988; that band is still around. It’s still as good —make that—even better than ever. In fact, last Sunday, we all played together in LA for the first time in almost thirty years. None of the decisions I’ve made over many years have been particularly stressful or difficult. They were natural, instinctive. They were based on my needs at the time. Simply put, my needs were to provide for my family, while still maintaining a means of expressing myself creatively.
I may be one of the very few artists who ever sent his manager into meetings at a major record label (I’m thinking of Sony’s Epic Records) to see how little time I could be on the road. Because staying out on the road was seen by the label as a prerequisite for my success, I slowly began to understand that being a major label artist wasn’t something that was going to be a sustainable life choice. And so, taking advantage of a legal loophole, I parted ways with Sony in 1995, a year after my album Skin was released.
Here’s what I’ve learned about following my heart. There are always costs in doing so. One of the personal costs of my leaving the label was having a greatly diminished fan base. Things have changed a bit now, but at the time that’s what occurred when the million or so dollars a year in radio promotion, press, money toward videos on MTV, and other promotional activities the label was paying out stopped, and then the promotional magic stopped. I have zero regrets. But I also know that my decisions didn’t necessarily help my career.
One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that a career is not a life. A career fits inside one’s life. That may seem like a semantic difference, but it’s an important distinction. What I “lost” is infinitesimally small compared to what I’ve gained.
I lost fans. But I gained a strong marriage, children and grandchildren, scores of beloved friends, a relationship with God, incredible beauty and love, and an ever-burgeoning relationship with my creativity. Not to mention, hundreds and hundreds of songs!.
BTW: Here’s some of the magic that’s still being created. Recognize any of these folks?
Sunday, 1/7/2024
Thanks to Don, and everyone who wrote in with their questions.
Peter
P.S. Don, email and I’ll get that personal song going.
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There’s nothing I like better than responding to a good question.
Here’s how this works.
Submit your question.
I’ll pick the one that most resonates with me.
I’ll publish my answer on the Morning Musings Substack page through one of the following four mediums: essay, song, film, or poem.
The Question Contest Prize winner will receive a personal song written by me —especially for them and or a friend.
Be well,
Peter
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